The closer it gets to my b-day, the more I dread it.... why? Never have I ever felt this way before... is it the sudden realization I'm not young anymore? I'm trynna stay focused but my soul's experiencing mad turbulence as of late... is it the universe or is it just me? I don't know...I mean, each year, I look forward to celebrating another year of trials and triumphs, failures and achievements, experiences and lessons learned, new friendships and loyalty still intact... But this year, I don't know... the feeling ain't there... I'm asking myself why? My soul just feels bizarre. It's like it knows something that my mind has not yet processed. I've always felt our soul is more aware of the universe, but consciously it takes time to register in our minds...
I've been on a positive state of mind lately, and it feels AWESOME. Yet, as days pass and we approach the date of my birth, on September 19th, I'm feeling nervous and nauseous... wtf is happening to me? I think I'm just being weird for no reason whatsoever. Maybe it's all my imagination and I'm driving myself nuts once again.
I was going through my computer and came across pics of me, from 8 or 10 years ago... man oh man, have I grown. I reflected on those times. I was foolish, seriously, I was a fool. I didn't take my life seriously, I did a lot of stupid things, but never did I purposely hurt anybody. I look back and have to admit, I made lots of wonderful friendships, met tons and tons of cool peoples, some stayed in my life, others just vanished. My closest friends, we've all grown... most of my boys are settling down. Me, I'm still on the road of righteousness to save my soul and those around me. Music is still my love, Rhyming is still my passion, Writing is forever my therapy, and Dropping inspiration remains my remedy.
I guess I'm stressing myself out for no reason. I've been told that I'm mature for my age, maybe my soul knows this next chapter of my life is only gonna get realer and more tough. Maybe mentality I'm trying to fight the inevitable. We can't turn back time... We can't ride a DeLorean like Marty McFly and travel time... We can only learn from our past, make the most out of the present, and prepare for the future.
Still, I give it up to God-Dieu-Allah Almighty each and every day for blessing me with another day to live, to breath, to exist so I can continue my journey of reaching out to souls, opening minds, uplifting my brothers & sisters of humanity and building bridges of love & understanding throughout the world. Not an easy endeavour cuz many many MANY people criticize and/or doubt. But I don't mind them... my own worst enemy, was is and continues to be, my Ego. I'm fully aware of the power of the Ego, which is VERY powerful... If I don't keep it under control, it will destroy everything I've worked so hard for all these years. Sometimes it tries to creep up on me... That's why I always have to keep it locked and under heavy surveillance... cuz I seen what an out-of-control unchecked Ego can do to people...
I've given my Soul full control and command of my human being, my mind's the wheel that follows my Soul's sense of direction in life, my heart's the engine that keeps me going in this world, my drive and determination are the wheels that push me forward, and passion is the gearbox - I shift it up and down depending on the situation. Even though certain parts of me are terrified of growing older, I will kick fear straight in the balls and let Faith rise up to the occassion.
BRING ON THE NEXT YEAR BABY!!! Another Opportunity to grow more mature and acquire more wisdom, another year to spread more love more faith more hope more knowledge, another chance to meet more and more righteous people and collaborate on awesome soul-uplifting eye-opening mind-expanding projects..... I think I'm finally getting over this lil' funk I was in... It's the devil playing with my ego trying to slow me down and plant seeds of self-doubt cuz the pathetic loser knows I'm up to GOOD IN MY HOOOOOOOOOOD.
Ready.... Set............. SOULSHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M.O.E.C.A.S.H. AIN'T GETTIN' OLDER... I'M ONLY GETTING MORE AND MORE MATURE, YEAH BABYYYYY!!! :)
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